You and I

That night I sat at the top of the stairs awaiting your arrival, like some sentinel, watching and waiting for a friend to play with. She never came, you never will.

They eventually tucked me into bed.

I have listened across the years for your voice, just a word a sign,

a sigh. Because I know you are watching me too,

treading in my footprints, running across my path.

From that day until my memory dissolved like icing sugar in rain.

Maybe that’s why we got the puppy. Until that is, the puppy was kissed by a Vauxhall Viva and was spirited away.

Picture me at school, the torment and passion to learn nothing much, from fumbling school boy to accomplished manipulative seducer, in demand, desired and abused by those I trusted and loved.

My friend where were you when I needed you? did you not care, could you not taste my tears - even after all those years? I was to find out later that you were less than 200yds away from me all that time, across the road at St Peters.

In a diamorphine induced vision, my dying father told me all.

I left flowers for you, dad said it was good. In the eye of the artist, hanging on my wall in hues of blue and shades of night, you are waiting for me,

hiding around the corner of this world,

I must confess, I am in no hurry to join you yet, I still long to be with you. We have much to talk about you and I. Looking across at my daughter, I see you there, behind the blue / grey eyes and sweet smile.

I would give my life to hold your hand just once, perhaps not yet. I am not ready, but someday soon. Will you wait for me Sister as I have waited for you?