Writer's Block

What I'm writing isn't going anywhere; it seems, to START and stall. Then wonder if it even makes sense at all. Scrap it? Adapt it? Re format it?

Hmm? What questions shall I ask it? Can I persuade the words to flow? The nature of my writing, the words come in free-flowing. I've always written best this way.

I remember the times in class, the teacher would say, "Write a 4 to 6 sentence paragraph to describe your weekend".

I'd think & think, but my mind goes to an instant blank.

Well, I do pretty much the same thing as every other weekend. DO HOMEWORK several hours. Watch tv. Listen to music more on weekends Can't miss Casey Kasem's Weekly Top 20 Hits countdown show on Sunday morning radio. I WON'T GO DOWNSTAIRS FOR THE DAY UNTIL AFTER Casey. Sometimes peruse the weekend International Hours broadcast of Spanish & Italian music on station 91.3 fm. Sometime we go to my cousins' house. Parents drink & kids play. The older of the two girls would sometimes hang out with me in her room. We'd listen to her Paula Abdul tapes. I loved singing along to all the songs. I didn't think I could sing well...BUT I STILL FELT HAPPY,FREE & Empowered as I did my best to try and match the vocal pitches! My Cousin, I thought sung beautifully! I enjoyed hearing her sing!

But like I'd said this was my norm for activities EVERY WEEKEND! Nothing much happened as far as finding new activities : Creating interesting variety for topics discussion. So what of substance could I write about? Write a certain number of sentences requirement. BRAIN LOCK UP!

"Uh, Sorry teacher, I just can't write to your specifications. Sat here a half an hour: COULD NOT THINK UP 4 to 6 sentences...I could only sum it up in 2" I can only write it out the way it comes though.

Write an outline of the chapter: I can't decide what are the most important points... (None at all to me) Blah, Blah, Blah...is all that becomes of the words as I read. But Probably everything is important.

What to include? What to leave out? Try to decide...

Then, flooded with doubt. Wait, maybe this is too important to leave out? Oh, now what should I do? Seem like I'm just copying the entire page...

But, Wouldn't that be considered plagiarism? Maybe? But since the chapter was not written is sections marked with bullet point. A - B -C , 1 -2 - 3. If I leave out a word or 2. Change a few, to reflect in tone more the way think, more the way I speak... Maybe NOT ...Technically??

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The Synopsis: Seems to me , if you give me a criteria to follow for writing, my vision becomes blinded. Words start coming in faded, jumbled up mess. Thoughts intertwine. No way to separated the happenings. What was the Order of events chronologically ; First from last.

Hard to distinguish a proper time line in the sequence of events. The lines that define time are blurred between the long ago distant AND a More recent past. Suddenly I do not recall names of the characters cast.

Story now completely unraveled. Everything gets sifted out rapidly. Colander full of holds... this is my mind. It doesn't like structural confines. I suppose, you just can't expect me to write to your specifications as any Proposed Structural Form. I can not be boxed in , follow direction.

No tying up the ends in a neat little package with a pretty red bow.

I have to write without being made to stay inside your lines. Seeing Guidelines . Structure . It's like a wall comes up , blocking my mental flow.

Words will not come through as planned, as you...or even I may demand OR wish they would...That only blocks the formation of anything that could Be waiting in the wings of the mind to be written to life. Free of of binding Ties from structure lines-