Wonder

I wonder if you'll ever know

Just how scared I am of you.

The sense of stepping off a cliff

With every little thing I do.

There's an awkwardness that's in my bones,

Self confidence of glass,

A certainty that if I try

I'll fall right on my ass.

And the secret, then, to living life,

To simply moving through,

Is to never think before I act,

But that didn't work with you.

And I don't know if a day will come,

When past days no longer matter,

But every time I see your cliff

I'm just waiting for the splatter.

And I don't know how to put this right,

I'm scared shitless I'll just fuck it

All up, as that seems my forte,

But I see no way to duck it.

If I say a thing to you,

Whether over line or under,

If I pass a word your way,

Suavish or a blunder,

Just know my heart is on my sleeve,

It always is with you,

And I never mean any other thing —

As I'm trying to be true —

Than to drop for you my constant mask

That I make my daily wear,

To drop my guard and all my shields,

And hope that you're still there.