With No Due Respect

My stories will never be labelled Trickensian.

Though, I admit, it's a relief

I feel most of his work is shit,

apart from maybe that ghost story with Marley, the crazy cigar-smoking cabbie, and Bill Murray.

Oh please, Trickensian nightmare fans, sit back down,

don't get thou panties, briefs, boxers, thongs or genitals in a twist.

Instead, kneel and beg "Please, sir. We want more" as I pull thy trigger.

It may be a film and it may not be highbrow,

but neither is Great Expectations... at its truest, darkest self.

Witty? Sure.

A poorly executed, misjudged portrayal of women as disdainful and contemptible.

At least Sting had the decency to note

the wedding favourite of his is a creepy ass stalker nightmare

with a killer hook and memorable chorus.

Though, in Scrooged, let's not focus too much on those Carol Kane scenes...

in her ballet dress and shoes and violent acts of aggression.

Though I howled with laughter when I first saw it,

I was but a wee guy of 8 years or older.

Now as an adult, I have to sigh

and wonder why a strong woman has to be so violent,

why can't a woman be strong without violence.

Strong in words.

*

Now before you Trickensian worshippers get all bent out of shape

and proclaim his death as a reason to go easy

that I'm merely targeting someone who can't defend themselves.

Go talk to Nancy... she'd do anything for... well, you know.

Might make you smile.

As for the living, there's quite the list.

Dan Brown, E.L. James, Richard Osman, and David Walliams spring to mind.

Basically... any well-known English personality

that has dived headfirst into the hearts and minds of the readers of bestseller lists.

Sour grapes, you say?

I eat sour grapes like these for breakfast with a nice cup of who cares?

Art is subjective, taste is relative,

Dickens is overhyped

There are many other greater writers we could learn more from

about the human condition, the corruptive toxicity of greed, wealth, and a classist society.

Opinions are like arseholes; we all have them.

Don't accept the general consensus without meticulous and gratuitous unbiased dissection.

And... JK, let's not go there. Not Today.

*

Thanks for reading!

Author's Notes: Yep. Went there. Yep. No take backs or apologies.