Content warning
This story may contain sensitive material or discuss topics that some readers may find distressing. Reader discretion is advised. The views and opinions expressed in this story are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Vocal.
With No Due Respect
Stream of Consciousness, commentary on art, literature - content warning probably?
My stories will never be labelled Trickensian.
Though, I admit, it's a relief
I feel most of his work is shit,
apart from maybe that ghost story with Marley, the crazy cigar-smoking cabbie, and Bill Murray.
Oh please, Trickensian nightmare fans, sit back down,
don't get thou panties, briefs, boxers, thongs or genitals in a twist.
Instead, kneel and beg "Please, sir. We want more" as I pull thy trigger.
It may be a film and it may not be highbrow,
but neither is Great Expectations... at its truest, darkest self.
Witty? Sure.
A poorly executed, misjudged portrayal of women as disdainful and contemptible.
At least Sting had the decency to note
the wedding favourite of his is a creepy ass stalker nightmare
with a killer hook and memorable chorus.
Though, in Scrooged, let's not focus too much on those Carol Kane scenes...
in her ballet dress and shoes and violent acts of aggression.
Though I howled with laughter when I first saw it,
I was but a wee guy of 8 years or older.
Now as an adult, I have to sigh
and wonder why a strong woman has to be so violent,
why can't a woman be strong without violence.
Strong in words.
*
Now before you Trickensian worshippers get all bent out of shape
and proclaim his death as a reason to go easy
that I'm merely targeting someone who can't defend themselves.
Go talk to Nancy... she'd do anything for... well, you know.
Might make you smile.
As for the living, there's quite the list.
Dan Brown, E.L. James, Richard Osman, and David Walliams spring to mind.
Basically... any well-known English personality
that has dived headfirst into the hearts and minds of the readers of bestseller lists.
Sour grapes, you say?
I eat sour grapes like these for breakfast with a nice cup of who cares?
Art is subjective, taste is relative,
Dickens is overhyped
There are many other greater writers we could learn more from
about the human condition, the corruptive toxicity of greed, wealth, and a classist society.
Opinions are like arseholes; we all have them.
Don't accept the general consensus without meticulous and gratuitous unbiased dissection.
And... JK, let's not go there. Not Today.
*
Thanks for reading!
Author's Notes: Yep. Went there. Yep. No take backs or apologies.
About the Creator
Paul Stewart
Scottish-Italian poet/writer from Glasgow.
Overflowing in English language torture and word abuse.
"Every man has a sane spot somewhere" R.L Stevenson
The Accidental Poet - Poetry Collection is now available!
https://paulspoeticprints.etsy.com
Enjoyed the story? Support the Creator.
Subscribe for free to receive all their stories in your feed. You could also pledge your support or give them a one-off tip, letting them know you appreciate their work.
Reader insights
Outstanding
Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!
Top insights
Compelling and original writing
Creative use of language & vocab
Easy to read and follow
Well-structured & engaging content
Eye opening
Niche topic & fresh perspectives
On-point and relevant
Writing reflected the title & theme
Keep reading
More stories from Paul Stewart and writers in Poets and other communities.
What I Would Do if I Joined Vocal Today
I'd do things a bit different if I joined Vocal today instead of February 2021. For one thing; the platform itself has changed quite a lot. Acting on input from its writer/creators many enhancements to the reporting, pay structure, engagement, and even ownership possibilities are now in place. (Yes- I am aware that not every change has been greeted with approval. This is not that: I am focusing on what I would do differently today.)
By Judey Kalchik 7 days ago in Writers
Comments (9)
I feel like you maybe wrote something similar like this before… I laughed at the panties etc in a twist!! I’ve only read A Christmas Carol but I like some of the movie adaptations etc of his other works. I haven’t seen Scrooged in so long and who is Nancy?
I recently started The Moonstone, Wilkie Collins. So much wittier and more perceptive than Dickens. I am deterred by the sheer length of the thing right now though ...
Looks like LC took the best approach. Don’t engage with the author in question at all. Wonderful bit of satire, Paul. I love Carol Kane and especially loved her in Scrooged. Some men just need an ass whoopin now and then. Just saying…
Never could get far in a Dickens tale, think the only one of his I ever had for assigned reading was the only book I spark noted! Fun and clever stream of consciousness poem!
Paul.... I think my favourite pieces of yours are your stream of consciousness ones, because you just lay it all out there and walk us through the enigma that is your beautiful brain!! Ps Scrooged is one of those train wrecks you just can't look away from, especially the scenes with Carol Kane because they are just pure nonsense!! 🤣
Confession time: I have never read Dickens. So shoot me.
And a new term has entered the language...
Got a good laugh out of this one! Well-wrought! Any attempt to read Dickens made me balk at his overuse of the slang of his time. Poe remains timeless because of the word choice so many derided him for. One needs footnotes to read Dickens only a few generations from his works. I have a similar gripe about Bram Stoker's "Dracula". A fascinating character that trancends a terribly written story. Lugosi, Lee, and Oldman did a much better job with it on the screen than Stoker did in the novel, and the same often holds true of Dickens' work.
"don't get thou panties, briefs, boxers, thongs or genitals in a twist." I CANNOTTTTTT 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Also, why would I wanna be strong in words when I can be strong violently? That's my whole point of becoming strong, to be violent 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣