Wish you well

In the midst of knowing I hold no emotion but one

clarity

It is the only thing that I can understand within me

and the only thing driving these words

For some time my anger was unwavering

like the flames of a wildfire that would not die out

Even when I would explain what I wanted

it fell on deaf ears and minds as a child

When I was face to face and not seen

3 times you denied me, 3 times my soul burned

I realized that I meant nothing

not even a sparing of your words

I grew up with this anger at the very mention of you

because every time I walked through my mothers door

someone would say I looked just like you

as though the correlation had a loving value

My anger surged even more as I got to my adult years

seeing or having faces smile at their fathers bothered me

it triggered an aching want that I would never reach

and in those depths my flame was restored

Now you're gone and I realized even now the anger lives

even when I thought I was done feeling that way

The truth comes out even when laid dormant

But I know what I did wrong

I didn't allow myself time to register who I am now

I forgot you existed because it was easier that way

I let myself feel nothing for you

and that's the lurking void that has found me once again

So I will say these words and I mean them

I forgive you

I hope you have found peace

and the love you showed others I hope they made an impact.

I hold no ill will towards you and deep down I never have

I had only wished to be seen and acknowledged that I belonged to you

so sleep well and begin anew Mr. Welch

And by his grace, you are eternally kept.