Why Can't I Remember?

Why can't I remember?

What am I avoiding?

Why do I hide from the truth when I know you're not a good person?

Why do I keep coming back when everybody tells me,

"Keep your distance"

"Stay away"

"They only care about themselves"

"They never cared about you"

What did you do?

Why can't I remember?

I'm traumatized by something I've never even lived through,

Or at least, I don't remember living through.

Why can't I remember?

I was so young,

I've heard the stories, I know what you did.

Why can't I, remember?

Having to live with this all of my life without knowing what I've lived through,

It's why I am what I am and why I hate myself.

Fuck you.

I hated myself until I stopped trying to please you,

I realized your lies and surprise...

I don't need you.

Why don't I remember?

Who cares,

Fuck you.

I remember enough to know the feeling,

It's why I can't trust anybody,

It's why I can't hold a conversation,

It's why I'm afraid every time I find myself faced with confrontation.

You know what you did.

You know I can't remember.

You probably don't even care because you don't even realize that what you did would effect me forever.

Fuck you,

You're pathetic,

You're the one who broke me,

You're the reason I'm scared,

It's not about why I can't remember,

It's about why you never cared.

So fuck you,

I don't need to remember,

I was two years old when you hurt me forever.