Why can’t you give me the respect I’m entitled to?!

I tried to whisper the warning…

Child-sized hands tugging at grown sleeves,

my voice a lantern with too little oil.

“She is not who she seems,”

I said,

but the room always turned toward her

perfectly powdered mask,

her smile rehearsed

like a line from a play that never faltered.

Cracked in her eyes, rage in one and pain in the other

How can no adults see, what is so crystal clear

To a child like me

The walls knew the truth.

The hidden marks knew

Her shadows pacing the hallway

knew.

Yeah, the shadows she physically sees

The ones that cackle in her ears

To me she’s Mommie

But to everyone else

A masterpiece of control and poise,

Her laughter gracefully, polished and rich,

Her words, clipped roses with no thorns.

She carried madness in her pocket

like a secret rosary,

and I…

I carried the bruises of her silence,

the invisible welts of disbelief.

No one believed the child

who pointed at the ghost in the living room.

No one believed the small mirror

trying to reflect

What was never meant to be seen.

Yes, I’ll sit on the couch and never move

Oh I’m sure the adults think I’m so obedient for even 2

Rollerblading around the block could cost me my neck

But sure trust the mask that says its my confidence instead

She said what she said

So I learned to bury my voice

under hers,

What would be the point to speak?

to disguise myself

in order to survive.

And smile just as she did but a different pain

Cause the adults are completely useless

No matter how loud I viscerally scream

And yet,

I know the mirror still remembers

the girl pressing her face against the glass,

mouth moving without sound,

watching her truth disappear

Into the beliefs of someone she grew up to fear

The accolades she receives

But the glares are just for me

How dare I even challenge her to speak

A different face for each audience

Catering out of her own fear

To be warehoused away

It’s dangerous, I’m not safe

Oh little girl, you don’t know what you say

Your mother loves you dearly

So you’ll have to stay