Why

Those words make me sick to my stomach

Remembering makes me want to vomit

I know now it meant nothing

Words only said to control me

Why not just leave me be

Why me

Why me

Why me

Why me

Why me

Why me why me why me

Get out of my head

It's hurting

Your face carries so much weight and memories

Leave me

I didn't want any of this pain

Why did you tell me such things

If it's not what you mean

If it was never gonna be me

For so long

Why'd you make it seem

How will I ever trust anything

I'm left wondering

Why I was never worth anything

Why did others get to be

But not me

What's wrong with me

Why are you always able leave me so easily

Did you love them much more than me

What does that make me?

Nothing

Now my heart bleeds

Because you made me believe

I really wish

You never told me that

You loved me

I wish you knew how much that meant to me

I realize you said it carelessly

Not knowing what it would do to me

How it would drive me into insanity

Not caring if it's something you really mean

Now everyday I'm left wondering

How much

You may have lied to me.

My reality is collapsing

Under the weight of all the remembering and questioning

The ruminating constantly pulling me

I'm trying to be strong and keep walking forward

But I'm being pulled in every direction

I look down and see I'm still in the same place

And my heart breaks

The pain so great my body shakes

I can't go where I want to go

I have no control

I can't cut these strings pulling me

I'm thrashing and screaming

Trying to get them off me

But they only pull tighter the more I'm fighting

Why does no one see how much I'm hurting

I'm bleeding all over the place

Maybe they hate how I'm so messy

Or maybe they don't see me as someone worth helping

I swear there's still something in me

I'm sorry if I get angry

I'm sorry if my cries are never ending

I'm sorry if my bleeding is staining everything around me

It's just all hurting

So badly

I've always wanted love

That felt like a hug when you need it most

Why do I have to be pretty

For someone to want to be around me.