whose to say

Whose to say these parts aren’t beautiful, feeling kneeded whilst pleading to once again become completed,

currently navigating through dark thick cold waters, carving out sons and daughters through the timeless art that lurks in the dark

as deaths do us part, parting it’s way through my existence, tearing through my tears, setting the unseen spirits into gear, charging up as i’ve been plugged in for months, sitting still, twiddling fingers, when will the timer go off? I can’t force it I can’t rush it, I must just breathe through it, sometimes the hardest thing is the fact you were unknowingly destined for this part to, so whose to say it’s not beautiful, beautifully beating, bashing, breaking, barriers, undoing doubts, devils undeserving medals.

I give back the medal of abandonment, I toss away the trophy of hyper independence, I sever the score of a lifetime of unfulfillment, I press stop on the CD that thought it didn’t want to feel needed, au revoir to the leaking hole in my heart.

And so i’ve deservingly won, wonders, wishes and windfalls which will soon be sprung. All I can say is how honoured I am for the award for the energy shall nurture all.

Breathing starts to feel weird the more it’s focused on, good yet intensely analysed, you start to wonder if your still even doing it right, every second asking if there’s anything more to be done, recieving a no should be so relieving, you know?

Just breathing sounds like a dream till you recognise a muted scream in the back of the scene, you can’t look back because you’ve already done that, moving towards the open door is the only thing you’re doing, yet the door isn’t exactly in sight. So, just breathing is the only thing that’ll get you through the night, feeling like i’m drowning backwards, you can picture it, maybe hear it but to feel it is another, doing this also for mothers and brothers, mine and yours, so yes I will endure the gaping aches this quakes, knowing sometime soon i’ll know i’ve made it through the icy rain.

It was granting wishes and blowing kisses just in the way the icy rain knew how to, I asked to be nourished so how can I not bow to the heard whispers of my heart, it just came out of no where a jump scare mainly because I stood in my own way, i’d been creating so much glorious clouds yet not expecting the rain. So once i’d remembered the nature of a cloud departs an abundance of what it’s been collecting and weighing it down, I was instructed by the instrumental tune of the universe to be still, to pause, to kneel and heal, and I know the longer the wait the bigger the plate. It’s been hard but all I know to do is succeed, it’s why i’m here writing from this extra long extra strong branch on my ever evolving tree, I really am doing things differently, with a route that is with the unseen, yet it’s so clear to me, sometimes fuzzy but I need not worry, my seeds will grow.

I’ll be okay, and i’ll water everything else around me. That is a promise that I and all soon shall see.