Who Am I Supposed To Pray To?

You always gave me such a hard time and lord that was just fine.

I was always alright.

Then one day you delivered me a good wife, best day of my whole life.

Finally found my weakness, was a beauty in a white dress.

She fell in love with a train wreck, I was one hell of a mess.

But she ain’t love me no less, lord you sent me one of your best.

She made it all hurt less.

Halo on her head, bible by our bed.

Wanted to show me the truth, but I couldn’t bring myself closer to you.

Tried absolving me of all my sins, but I couldn’t let the light in.

I was lost in the darkness, now I see where it all ends.

The light finally broke through.

And then the good lord chose to take you.

So tell me.

Who am I supposed to pray to?

And what am I supposed to do?

—

Had to take a deep breath, the day I laid you to rest.

Sorrow filled my whole chest.

I don’t know what’s next, I don’t know where to step.

What if I can’t be saved?

Heaven doesn’t know my name, deliver me all the blame.

Send me to the flames.

Cradle me in a cage, built by the same.

Never been no kind of saint.

I’ll admit I’m afraid, forgotten how to be brave.

I’ll admit I’m ashamed, hollowed out from all the pain.

Lately I’ve been losing strength, stumbling to find my way.

So tell me.

Who am I supposed to pray to?

And what am I supposed to do?

—

If this is a test of faith.

Then mine is sure to break, my mind is sure to cave.

Fallen from eternal grace.

Sentenced to an early grave.

Can I save what remains?

Now that you’re gone, everything feels so wrong.

Staring up at this cross, Heaven knows I feel lost.

So tell me.

Who am I supposed to pray to?

And what am I supposed to do?

—

In it for the long haul, but it’s gonna be a short walk.

I feel it all, weighing me down ‘till I can’t crawl.

Piling up my sins.

Unable to make any sense, unable to make amends.

Waiting for my sentence to end, lord I repent.

Fighting off these demons, I don’t know what to believe in.

So tell me.

Who am I supposed to pray to?

And what am I supposed to do?

—

Barely slept this weekend, fighting off those demons.

Some days ain’t easy.

Some days defeat me.

Doubled down on the drinking , extra shot when I’m weeping.

Jumped into the deep end, every Sunday I’m sinking.

So tell me.

Who am I supposed to pray to?

And what am I supposed to do?

—

Never been known for pleading.

Tired of all the screaming.

Feels like I’m whispering, feels like I never win.

Heaven are you listening, to the sounds of silence and sin?

Unable to bear witness, Babylonian sickness.

Hellish repetition.

Brought chaos to my wishes, darkened all my visions.

Thanks to my amaurosis, I started to see it’s all hopeless.

But this can’t be where my hope ends.

So tell me.

Who am I supposed to pray to?

And what am I supposed to do?

—

I can still hear her singing.

Just give me back what you sent and I’ll call us even.

Yeah, I’ll call us even.

After all she’s the reason, why I’m still breathing.

She gave me something to believe in, in the absence of reason.

Helped me battle my demons.

And I never got the chance to tell her thank you.

Now she’s the only one I can pray to.