Wearing the coat of invisibility

......this fear and emotional wound is still there, lurking and eating the hope for joy.

My little inner girl is afraid of losing what's her because this is what happened as she grew up.

She lost her dad's love in front of the other woman.

She lost her mum's attention in front of the other woman.

She lost her right to play.

She lost her childhood.

She lost her smile.

She lost her innocence.

She lost her joyful play.

She lost her optimism.

She lost her ability to dream.

Everything had just been taken away from her.

And there she was:

All alone.In the dark.

In the cold.

No light.

No love.

No warmth.

No hopes.

Nothing for her.

All she felt was pain…..a lot of emotional pain.

Her heart, her soul, her whole body felt cracking. It was cracking and bleeding.

And there was no one there to see her suffering. There was no one there to wipe her tears. There was no one there to numb her pain. This was evermore painful.

Having to suffer as a child was difficult enough, but having no one there to give her their support was worse.

So many giant people moving back and forward.

So many people around her busy with whatever grown up people are busy with.

She is standing there, right in the middle of all this crowd, but no one seems to notice her.

No one sees her pain.

No one sees her tears.

No one sees HER.

As if she is INVISIBLE.

She is invisible.

She feels invisible.

She curls up even more on her own invisibility.

She wishes someone would come and take her far away from this. Maybe in this way they will notice her absence.

No one (of course) shows up to save her.

NO ONE.

There is no one there for her.

She curls even more in her own pain and invisibility.

She just wants to disappear now.

What’s the point of being in the middle of this crowd if no one even notice her?

What’s the point of all this?

What for?

She’s all dressed up in her magnificent INVISIBLE COAT. All she wants is to move on and move away from this pain, from this crowd and from everything that feeds this invisible coat.

Years go by.

She grows up. On the outside, she is a beautiful adult woman. Inside, though, she still feels that little, scared, lonely and sad little girl curled up in her own invisibility.

She wants to have more courage, but she is still wearing this coat of invisibility that hangs up so heavy and makes her feel invisible.

There is still no one there for her. And even if they are, she is chasing them away because she is too scared.

She doesn’t know anymore who she is.

She identifies herself with the COAT OF INVISIBILITY.

She had been wearing it for such a long time that she became one with this coat.

Days are the same as nights.

Pain and turmoil is all she knows.

It needs something cathartic so she can break free from this curse.

That day will come. It is the day when her soul almost died.