Wearing a Fake Smile

i used to wear a fake smile for everyone to see

not many knew or noticed the pain I hid inside me.

it was as easy to apply as the most perfect foundation.

masking over my sad face like a brand new creation.

I took my mask off to try being me

as a result of spending some months in therapy.

nothing had changed the pain was still there

and now I can't find my mask anywhere.

I've searched everywhere again and again

but all I can find is hatred and pain.

im not a nice person although I do try to be

im always sad and wishing to be free.

i look up at the moon and stars so high

I don't wanna sleep at night, I just wanna fly.

to say goodbye to it all and fly away

I don't wanna hurt anymore

not for one more day.

i want to love and be loved in return

make a fire of all my bad memories and watch them fucking burn.

I want to be able to wear my real smile around everyone not just a few.

i want to lose weight and eat healthier too.

i just don't want to be a failure anymore

I know there's more in this life for me

I'm so so sure.

so I just need to find my perfect fake smile

wear it for just a little while.

so step by step I can build myself up

yet still be able to cope each time I fuck up.

do things I enjoy and find piece in my heart

cuz there's no fun at all in falling apart.

i must admit, right now I do NOT want to stay

but please believe I'm trying in every way.

so please pray for me and send me a virtual hug.

ask the angels to heal me from up above.

please bear with me as I go through this time

pls hold my hand and stand by my side.

I do not want to be alone

that's when my pain makes itself at home.

so text me, call me or knock on my door

help me keep my mind occupied so I can keep the pain out more.

one day soon I will emerge stronger, you will see

but in the meantime please don't forget about me.