We Sat Down in a Table Facing Each Other And
Trying to reconstruct the memories of a love only I could redraw.
We sat down in a table facing each other and I went on a journey.
Your curved fingers were dry and your eyes were
Your bag still in your back and beanie in your head and your mouth was
Blank.
I read your language which once described me:
'Tânia you're so transparent and joyful'
'Tânia you're so caring and beautiful'
Thank you. I'm so lucky you love me.
I'm so lucky I get to involve myself in your freezing cold skin and feel warm.
You see I thought that was just your biology,
But I touched you when you were away
When you were in her company
And your skin was
You see I touched you when you were telling me the frustrations
This friend
Had given you.
When your anger described her, all your eyes could truly communicate was
'Tânia, she's intense'
'Tânia, she wears berets, tights, and loose straight trousers'
'Tânia she can be serious, articulate and reads essays instead of easy stories'
And your skin was warm. Your anger was beautiful and somehow it kept you sane.
We sat down in a table facing each other and I smiled.
You were there in front of me holding my hands and my whole self.
My love and only mine fed us that night with laughs and safety,
With a sweet touch of involvement in the whole of each others' lives,
And a bomb ass motherfucking ride.
It was a loop which repeated itself as many times as it could
For one year and four months.
Boy love is great.
We sat down in a table facing each other and you looked at me.
And from your beautiful blank eyes you spoke your frustration,
Your skin finally became warm towards me and your comforting anger was thrown into me.
'Tânia why do you keep being so transparent and joyful?
You know I don't like that'
He's right, in a relationship we all need to adapt.
'Tânia why do you keep being so caring and beautiful?
You know I don't like that'
He's right, in a relationship we all need to adapt.
He was still warm so I felt taken care of
I felt the words he couldn't say wanting to cover my personality.
'Tânia you could be more intense;
You could wear berets, tights and loose straight trousers;
You could be more serious and articulate and read essays instead of easy stories'
In a relationship we all need to adapt.
You see I will adapt.
I will finally adapt to the roots of my own self
I will adapt to the new shapes which emerge every day from my own self
And I will carry with care, water and develop
My non-intense self
My non-beret, tights and loose straight trousers wearing self
My non-serious and articulate and non-essay instead of easy stories reader self.
So I fell in this one year and four months limbo
Full of silence and empty of gravity
Trying to reconstruct the memories of a love only I could redraw
Because after that one year and four months time frame
I realized that your eyes were blank and your skin freezing
Because the love has never been there
But somewhere else.
With a beret
tights
and loose straight trousers.
About the Creator
Tânia Miranda de Carvalho
Performer. Actor. From the Margem Sul of Portugal, based in London. Watch Maria José The Receptionist below!
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