Wanted

i wanted to feel the need for something

but of what, i wasn't quite sure

and in the middle of this unfolding riddle

i may feel the need for something else more

i wanted to smear little parts of me

up ahead and also behind

and so the clues of my comings and goings

would become graffiti scrawled on the mind

i wanted to weave a song of noble lies

subtle exhalations on baited, tainted breath

a salacious symphony of shrouded sighs

a dirge of doom and death

i wanted to map all the places i've been to

and the places i don't want to go

then if there's any directional doubt

i'll refer to this and i'll know

i wanted to trade some of the memories i have

that are no good for me anymore

let that "huh" vacancy drift across my face

and offer either the time or the score

i wanted to steal a cursory glance

while pretending to avert my gaze

sneak a meek peek at least once a week

or you know, every couple of days

i wanted to touch the stars again

to fill both my hands and my eyes

i wanted the sun but also the night

i wanted to once again be surprised

i wanted to sleep and not have to dream

no tangled torture or intangible tease

i wanted to weep and not have to scream

and be lost in the need of release