upside down smiles

I can feel myself falling in love with what’s around me.

The waterfront and the many bridges that resemble upside down smiles. Atmosphere filled with warm people and imagination that stretches the city side wide. Painted on the streets in graffiti. Street art birthed from people’s souls, aiding the enlightenment of the public’s mind. Individuality is a goal here.

Strive.

I’m going to try, she thought. But first wonder- Who is me? Where can I locate she? Is she the one staring back at me in the mirror?

Or the one belting early 2000’s lyrics in her car? Paying more attention to the melodies than the road ahead. Disassociating from class to Peter's never never land. Or maybe itching for some creative writing time? Versus the structured lecture. Or the working girl? The girl scooping treats for the masses of locals, passerbyers, tourists.. unware of which of those three catergories she, me and we fit best in. Scooping scooping scooping deep until her writing hand screams please stop!

I’ll stop, I’ll stop pretending to not know me, and just feel her.

Feel what’s inside, let her loose. She’s crying for that. I know she is.

I have kept her in for far too long. I’m sorry.

We’ll be free soon, girl with the reddish hair and the green brown stare.

The girl with too much to say and not enough time to breathe it out...

to relax & reveal.

We’ll get there, like we are with this city, like we did with editing, like we did with living. Editing life, editing our decisions until they matched our reality, editing editing editing. That's the hard part.

Submitting-- Now that's not nearly as difficult.

When the parties over, the confusion, the need to solve and silence the confusion...when that is done. When we have submitted, she can start to feel like she, or whatever she is suppose to be.

and

once she has learned she is not me. She will dissipate, and I'll be left with me. Alone, not reaching for a false reality, confused on whats makes upside down smiles, but know they are simply frowns. She will submit to me. Myself and I will know-

-the hard part’s over.

I promise her that. It’s okay. Moving into what's real, falling in love with ourselves like we did with what is around us.

We, she and me can be together now. We don’t have to be a we anymore. I can just be me.

She's okay.