until i'm the villain

~

loving you hurts

your smile cracks me open

makes me feel too much

i'm exposed, vulnerable

you think we're doing well

and we are yet i won't call you back

for days

i'll leave your texts unread

because i'm afraid

.

afraid

that i can't

that i won't

that there's no possible way

i can love you as thoroughly as you love me

because i'm broken

.

loving me hurts

i'll let you down

even though i don't mean to

in my heart, we make sense

yet my head messes things up

twists and pollutes

all of our sweet moments

our tender heat

until i'm the villain

and you're better off without me

.

i'll ghost you

before the sadness enters your eyes

before the disappointment you don't mean to show

creeps into your replies

and you'll hate me

and i'll miss you

by the time i heal and grow

ready to show up as the partner you deserve

your smile will be for someone else

.

loving you hurts

but i'll be okay

because your joy is my own

and because i finally love me