Unanswered Questions

Was I right?

Or was I wrong?

Was it intuition?

Or was it fear?

A trauma response still so ingrained in my being

A survival instinct

Because for so long I have been surviving

Not living

Not following my heart

Not following what I want

Not being who I want

Who I am

I've been lost on the road

But wrapped safely in bubble of my own creation

Believing that maybe if I held tight

If I stayed on the path

If I was a good girl

No big bad wolves would get me

I would leave them all behind after the passing of the first.

But you popped that bubble

with your honey words

saying all the things that I wanted you to say

Reacting in ways I never thought possible

Placing so many of my dreams at my feet

So did I run scared

From the woodsmen, sent to save the day?

Was I to weak to fight?

Was I wrong?

Or was I right?

Was it intuition screaming that something was off?

That things were too good to be true

That you were a wolf in sheep's clothing

Was the rollercoaster ride

that robbed me of appetite, of sanity, of sleep,

my gut screaming to run like hell!

Cleaning up my bread crumb trail behind me

Hiding away and slamming the door

If I was wrong,

Did I hurt you?

I believe the answer is yes

and this weighs on my heart

more than you will ever know

Do I pop in your mind when you least expect?

Something I said taking hold of your brain

Like you do in mine?

So many questions abound in my head

Questions that will probably never be answered

threatening to drown me in a sea of anxiety and doubt and guilt

From which I am not sure I could resurface

So for now I choose to be right

I choose to believe that it was never real,

though what I felt was.