TWO MAGNIFICENT MEN IN A FLYING MACHINE

TWO MAGNIFICENT MEN IN A FLYING MACHINE

Two magnificent men in a flying machine,
Came passing right over my head,
One of them Tony,
The other was Fred,
They landed in a field not far away,
And shouted, anybody want a ride today.

Well people came running out of their houses,
They were queuing up outside,
All wanting to get in the flying machine,
All wanting to have a ride.
But I looked at Tony and then looked at Fred,
Mm-mm something not right here, I said.

Have they even got a flying licence,
Do they even know what they do,
Because I’m not getting in that thing,
I don’t know about any of you.
They might get us up but not get us down,
And I don’t fancy landing upside down.

So I waited and I bided my time,
Till a balloon came floating by,
A lovely big red one passing overhead,
Floating peacefully through the sky.
I shouted, hello bring your basket down,
I fancy a little ride over the town.

Down came the basket and in I climbed,
The fire went whoosh up high,
And before I knew what was happening,
I was floating up in the sky.
Mm-mm this is more like it I said,
Better than going with Tony and Fred.

We floated over the houses,
And fields full of buttercups too,
Everything looked so tiny down there,
Underneath all that beautiful blue.
I sat in the basket as calm as can be,
Thinking this is the life for me.

Eventually I said that’s it now,
I’ve enjoyed my day,
But I think I’ve had enough,
So you can take me home if you may.
They landed me safely and give me a card,
Said phone if you want another ride, it’s not hard.

Now all the ones in the flying machine,
Well they all came a cropper,
Because Tony and Fred had stolen the plane,
And neither could fly it proper.
They’d got everybody up in the air,
But how to get down they hadn’t a prayer.

They flew all the way over to Paris,
With everybody screaming in fright,
Then landed right on the Eiffel Tower,
And balanced there ever so tight.
Tony shouted nobody move please,
And whatever you do don’t anybody sneeze.

So there they sat on the Eiffel Tower,
Nobody daring to move their head,
One little sneeze and down they would go,
At least that’s what Tony said.
Then a big gush of wind came up from behind,
And pushed them off, oh dear never mind.

Down went the plane ever so slowly,
Everybody screaming oh no,
Some shut their eyes some shouted help,
They didn’t know where they would go.
But underneath them was a football field,
And what happened next had their fate sealed.

Because straight into the football net,
That flying machine came down,
The net broke the fall and nobody was hurt,
Although Fred had lost his trousers and Tony his crown.
They crawled from the plane one after another,
Some hugging the ground some hugging each other.

But waiting there was the police,
They already knew about Fred,
And Tony looked at the policemen,
Then looked at his mate and said.
I think our flying days are done,
Fred said yes mate now we better run.

But they didn’t get very far,
The police were waiting near,
They grabbed hold of Tony and Fred,
And said come on you two over here.
Off they carted them both in their car,
While everyone cheered from near and far.

Then the RAF came for their plane,
And pulled it out of the net,
I don’t think they’d ever seen anything,
Quite as ridiculous yet.
And somewhere above in my balloon was me,
Still floating about happy and free.

I looked down at Tony and Fred being taken,
And thought mm-mm I knew it was wrong,
That’s why I chose my lovely red balloon,
And floated quite happily along.
Sometimes you should listen to that voice in your brain,
Especially when two daft men offer you a plane.

And that was such a funny day,
One I won’t forget again,
Tony and Fred got arrested,
And the RAF got back their plane.
And when I think of it now it tickles my brain,
I laugh and I laugh till I’m nearly insane. 😂