Two c's

all i can really say is it hurts so fucking bad

im no stranger to that

im so fucking tired of letting you

make me so sad

i dont want to do this anymore

swimming in circles like two Piscean fish

and id be lying through my teeth if i said i wasnt sick of it

im getting so bored

you saw my moon and raised your venus

and i was left waiting, wanting you to say things

you never did

wanting you to give me things youd never give

so with this, one final venting session

i want to look you in your eyes and ask you how you could do me like this

the process of accepting an imminent end

i cant believe i fucking let it happen again

there is nothing more deafening than your silences

im laughin while im cryin

these emotions for you are a bottomless pit

i swear this is the last thing i write

i swear this is where our story ends

this is the last time i will talk about you or think about you

more importantly, its the last time i hold onto hope for you

my face has turned blue

for my sanity, i can not keep making you my muse

i bet it feels really good

to be so detached and nonchalant

im not in the mood

i would've given you everything you could want

how does it feel?

to treat me like you do

you know it is only you

there was never any other

so many men are banging down my door

begging me, to let them in and become my lover

willing to do what you weren't

and that's not being said to toot my own horn

im saying it to draw a picture

of how much it hurts me

to hold out for you

and listen to your unbiased, unfeeling lectures

preach about how its infeasible of me to

pine for you

chase you

wait on you

desire you

miss you

idealize you

dream of you

of anything

because i cant believe you were everything and more for me

but i could never be enough for you

there were so many things you were NEVER willing to do

i was and still am missing a clue

in addition to a few screws

because i know in my soft decayed soul

id still hold space for you in my skull

for you i dont mind that i am a revolving door

when it comes to you, i have no will

and i will never have my fill

i cant ignore that specific fact anymore

just being barely within arms reach, twisting the sword

but what if we actually got the timing right?

what if there werent any obtacles in sight?

and we tried?

i cant let this keep me up at night

i have already wasted so much of my life

i admit i probably let fantastical delusions win the fight

i cant handle another failure

i cant handle another loss

i cant handle accepting that i never let myself go full throttle with it and you didnt either

so i will bear this cross

thats the entire allure, curiosity is so pure

getting lost in the ether

and you wouldn’t care what it took either

to drown out all my imaginations wildest depictions

you are, my most consuming addiction

i am writing things out to try to make this easy on myself though

and put a pin in my grief, you know?

"keep things brief"

am i supposed to love myself enough to let you go?

now i can finally, clearly see

we were just never meant to be

i don’t know why i keep letting you kill me over and over

in the same exact ways,

i guess i was hoping if given another chance, maybe you’d stay.

i used to think you put the stars in the sky

and now youre just some guy

how can i know where its gone wrong

when you keep me waiting on a response for so long

and couple that with your audacity to ask

why i cant have this conversation in person

excuse me for rushing to get all my concealed feelings conveyed while i can

would you even care to hear “my version”?

because you dont give me any parting words

you cant even give me a proper goodbye

each time it kills me

and its grown into hate

but, clearly ive got words for you, still

this one alone contains 758.

-g.m.t.