Torture

I am in a state of torment. 

And the torturer is me.

Every time I sit and lament,

About the things that could be.

A slash for every thought, 

As I I cry out in pain. 

Foolishly my words have been bought.

By someone who has something to gain.

I think about you and the possibilities.

The things to share and moments not yet had. 

I think of you and the weight it carries,

And it only drives more mad.

I'm tied up, in a web of lies.

Created by myself.

Because I want you so bad, I cry.

There is no one else.

The more you exchange with me, 

The worse the torture becomes.

I hope for you to come set me free, 

before my body becomes numb.

The infliction grows stronger with every text I send.

Dear God, why does he take so long to reply? 

And when you answer, I feel I'm on the mend.

The torture begins anew, as another sore starts to form from the way I tell myself the lie. 

I think and I think and I think,

A new bruise, a new cut.

My torturer has me on the brink. 

To my subconscious I scream "This is enough!"  

Lacerations, bruising, cracked ribs, 

All due to my thoughts. 

Potential that doesn't exist. 

That has me so distraught.

It is this carrot, 

That you dangle in front of me. 

I can no longer grin and bear it,

My torturer needs me to see. 

I love you, I hate you! 

I want you so bad. 

I need to be next to you. 

Broken bones be damned!

You feed me bit by bit,

Every morsel formed by each call or text

I want to succumb to it,

My torturer doesn't allow me to forget. 

That in reality, you're so brand new.

I can't tell you the extent to which I torture myself. 

A person, a prospective relationship I wish to pursue.

The damage I have caused to my mental health. 

I am worth more than what you feed me,

I can't do this any more.

When I thought, I needed you to release me,

It's my own chains I needed to break, all the way down to my core.