Tormented

I’m lost and I’m drowning

Smiling on the outside but inside

I’m permanently frowning.

Those around me refuse to listen,

So they’ll never understand.

.

I want to make sense of it all

But right now I can barely stand.

I’m broken and so damn rundown.

The pain scorches my veins.

It’s a feeling I cannot escape.

.

No matter where I go, I’ll never escape that town.

It killed our family.

Scattered us all to the winds.

We’re still breathing.

When will we ever begin healing?

.

Why is there no justice?

Why was there no help to be found?

I sobbed, screamed, and searched all around.

Everyone turned their backs,

Couldn’t lift a finger to help.

.

Still, they continued to try to guilt me

Into believing their trope.

Claiming they were only trying to help.

No. They were never our family.

Just damaged and destructive monsters.

.

This pain floods my brain as the tears stream down my face.

They readily destroyed every single trace.

Left nothing of our lives.

Erased our very existence and spread such hateful lies.

They swept clean all that we could’ve used to tarnish their precious reps

And went that much further with every calculated step.

.

If their goal was to push me out onto the edge of my rope?

Well, mission accomplished because I’ve been dangling,

Suffocating beneath the lies they’ve sold.

They’re strangling.

I can barely keep my toes from slipping.

.

I’m hanging by my throat.

So disgusted by every lie she wrote.

This torrent of tears keeps dripping.

The scales will soon be tipping.

The truth will prevail in the end.

They’ll no longer be able to pretend.

.

I just wish I could go back,

Reclaim all the years I remained dedicated to my supposed family and my job.

If only I’d cut ties, uprooted, and left to pursue my dreams.

Those I loved most would still be by my side.

We’d be a true family.

.

Each other’s home,

Standing side by side.

Had I just cut ties and walked away,

She never would have died.

We would have been free.

.

Our futures would still be wide open.

Instead, we lost each other

And every last trivial thing.

The rage I feel, it won’t subside,

Not after all of the shock-filled nights that I’ve cried.

.

I would give anything to feel your embrace.

When I walked away, it was already far too late.

Although I was able to do so with the utmost grace

It doesn’t undo any of what they’ve wrought

And it will not replace all the years that we’ve lost.

. . .

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This poem was originally published on Medium.