Tonic

I detest tonic water

It introduces itself to the palate as some bitter approximation of vast nothingness

Disproportionately elevated to the presumption of enjoyable given its effervescent disposition

Yet, unbeknownst to the typical individual, its quinine quality near qualifies this beverage as toxic water

Admittedly the quantity of liquid you would need to imbibe to experience the side effects would far surpass the average human's internal capacity

Not to mention the risks of desalination in the process

But don't worry, an easy seventy litres is enough to render those malaria riddled mosquitoes ineffective

(A fact I find fitting considering my opinion of the insect is rather comparable to that of tonic water, given that they are the flighted definition of a nuisance whose purpose is rather dismissable)

Beyond its defiantly useless inclusion of questionable ingredients purely to yield its bitter inclination to doubtful purpose since regulation stripped it of medicinal value

It is the consumable equivalent of television static—unnecessarily loud whilst providing absolutely nothing of worth

And before any gin connoisseurs start prattling about their preferences from their penthouses I would remind you that the existence of the G&T was catalysed purly to assist in the administration of medicine during the war as a desperate bid for survival and not at all devised with taste in mind.

That is why I detest tonic water.