to survive

i saw you

and i did not run

i was still

i stood my ground

even as my soul

crushed itself into pieces

even as my heart

bled out in my chest

i stared and stayed

and did not waver

not once

-

i saw you

and i did not hide

i gave myself to you

look into my eyes

if you can

i dare you to cross me

i will not conceal my fear

and that will make you afraid

i will hand you my fragile fate

and make myself bare

i will give you my fire

and dare you to stomp it out

for you will not

and you will never

-

i saw you

and i did not forget

i did not need your face

or your eyes in front of me

to make me remember

all the things you did

all the things i survived

and a rage boiled in me

deep and hot and violent

a rage i kept at bay

for myself

and myself alone

a pursuit of my strength

-

i saw you

and i did not fold

i remembered the person

that you knew

and their heart resounded

deep within my own again

like a jolt, a stir of my past self

like the pulse of a headache

like the last twitch of life before death

and i embraced it all

-

i saw you

and i did not crumple

i was silent and still

cold as winter

dark as night

strong as achilles

proud as faustus

i did not fall or falter

i did not die

i am alive

even though you hate me

even though you hurt me

i survived

and was born anew

i am now god

i am now impenetrable

standing before you

and the old me

weeps tears of joy

for her Lord