To Quinn

My true love, Quinn,

Yes, Quinn, you are my true love. I can already hear your gorgeous, baby sunshine voice, calling me impetuous, brash, daring, even.

The audacity, the foolishness of my tendencies to be audacious, and my recklessness—yes, I hear you saying this all to me now.

How could I dare state such a claim on you when you love another?

Because I know it’s real, Quinn. I know we’re real. I was looking at your pictures today and I felt my dead heart restarting again, pumping something that felt like life and blood and real pain and dreams again.

Will you again ignore this claim? The claim you sent to me long ago?

No not during our relationship or even when we first met, darling.

It’s a primal sort of thing I feel we have, an almost old world, old fashioned..

Fuck it. I’ve erased like so much of this letter, trying to figure out how to reach you so you’ll write me back.

God, I just want you so much, Quinn, & not in the way you think, either—-I just want you to feel safe with me and happy and secure and loved, that’s all.

I know you’ve been hurt for so long, I just want you to be safe. Happy. Warm. Secure. Loved. Validated. Comforted. Smiling.

Love forever and ever and even more after that,

Your Rebecca