To My Future Better Half

Dear Future Husband,

Today I want us to talk like the way a chalk talks on a board

I have been waiting on the side for so long

So, I could share with you all the secrets buried in me

All the pains and the struggles I have hidden from the public

I thought meeting you was as simple as magic

But until today I am still waiting for you in panic

Probably it’s because our meeting will be one very dramatic

Until then these are a few things, I must tell you

It has been my dream to meet you at a very young age

So, I can reserve a full-page

In my heart praising and adoring you at every stage

I love children and I have always thought of having as many as twelve but now I am afraid if I can even have half

I have always thought of the special treatment I will give you

Sometimes I daydream having you by my side, respecting you outmost, making you my topmost and caring for you the most

However, you do not have to be carried away by the first page of my letter because

Life with me may be hard

Traumas in my past have damaged my heart

It has taught me to be defensive and smart

To be brave, and always fight for myself

just like an egg that should be protected in its shell

I do not easily succumb

Sometimes I stand so firmly on my decisions

I overthink the whole shebang and most often believe in a case worse than death

I feel insecure and often doubt my breath

Somedays depression awakes me from bed

And other days anxiety captures every molecule of my soul

I am working to pull my remains together

I am always battling with something inwardly

and hard to trust because many have proven to be so deadly

I am still on the journey of self-love and self-acceptance

because I believe only then I can love you beyond appearance

with me, you need to be patient and tolerance

and show me love beyond boundaries and words

you need to be sincere with me

and always affirm me of the love you have for me

I will work on myself to give you the love you deserve.