To My First Love

There is nobody else,

Who made me feel love,

And hatred,

All at once,

Like you did.

You were a friend and an enemy,

A little voice of doubt in my mind

A piece of me I will always need

To feel whole.

To feel like myself.

Because when days were good

They were good,

But when days were bad,

It felt like hell.

Reprehensible,

And manic,

And terrifying.

Like I was trapped inside a ditch

Digging myself down,

Telling myself that I am unworthy

Of forgiveness.

I was my enemy

before I was ever my friend,

It felt easier to hate myself than

To give myself the love I deserved.

I accept all the bad,

And the manic,

And the terrifying,

And the out

Of

Control

Days.

You gave me strength,

And love,

And passion.

So to my first love,

I forgive you.