To Don't

Sleeping is like an addiction to me.

Mostly because there's never any dreams.

It's essentially non-participation in life,

which was the only goal for over half of mine.

The power of getting to opt out,

to say, "No thanks, no more,

I've seen the good, the bad, the ugly,

the awkward and abrupt,

the curious (in a morbid sort of way),

the funny (bad and good),

the ridiculous, the raw, the ruthless,

the wrecked,

and, of course, while I can see,

heck even appreciate,

the tragic beauty of it all,

I'm good, I'd rather not.

I don't...I can't...I

I just won't.

Thanks anyways!"

Sleep fills that void-shaped void

in my broken apart heart.

While I lie there in nonexistence,

for that fleeting moment,

I am at peace,

the kind the conscious can never know.

This must be the blissful ignorance

I hear so much about.

To not know, to not be,

to don't.