Time won't heal this

I said I would respect your decisions

and not reach out to you

So I write to you here

to give me something to do

I'm not ok

I'm not alright

Things haven't gotten easier

just because you're out of sight

The days are hard

and the nights are longer still

I reread our messages

to shore up my crumbling will

I know that you love me

and that makes this harder to bear

That's not something you can turn off

You can't just not care

You stand by your promise

and hold on to her

But there's no prize for being a martyr

Life doesn't care if you were

You want to be good

and do the honorable thing

I just wanted you

I wanted everything

All those years that we lost

when we were living part

always knowing that we were missing

the other half of our heart

But fear holds you back

You say your conscience does

I call you a coward

and cry for what once was

I have so many feelings

I can't make sense of any one

So much love, hunger, and heartache

Even after a lifetime I won't be done