This Pain

This pain is insurmountable,

Infinite and incurable.

It’s a shapeshifter,

Taking a different form

When I start to breathe easier

And pulling me back down

When I can’t hold on anymore.

This pain is a candle,

Flickering in the darkness

Of my core - or better yet,

I am the flicker and this pain,

This pain is the darkness

That haunts me, pulls me,

Temps me, surrounds me.

This pain has me lifeless,

Throwing myself against the walls

Until I’m bloodied and bruised for it,

Until I am submissive to it.

Staring out the window,

Wishing I was buried

Six feet under the snow

So I could escape this condemnation.

This pain is the alter of a church,

And it demands a sacrifice,

Day after night, night after day

It demands my body and blood

Until I’m as wilted and withered

As the corpse of Christ

Tied down in a tomb,

Sealed by all the sinners

He couldn’t save.

This pain is…unexplainable.