this is me....

The noise in the room grew louder , as the audience grew in size,

the women behind the curtain were apprehensive, as their words flashed up on the screen.

in the dressing room, i slip on my dress and my image reflects back

I hated what i saw and did not want to be seen.

The women before me, were beautiful, courageous and brave ,

,their stories were so inspiring .

From every color, race, and sexual orientation,

My music started, i lifted and took to the stage.

I was getting applauded like never before,

walking slowly with my cane in my hand, and glasses on my crossed eyes.

i posed as a model ,then gave them both away,

I did a twirl and nearly fell, but my smile lit up the sky.

My family and friends had tears down their cheeks,

as my words echoed from the speakers aloud.

I felt valued, loved, worthy and finally seen,

and the support was overwhelming, from the adoring crowd.

I left the stage on such a high,

We smashed the finale, and my solo went right

and did an impromptu speech,

but afterwards i was a total mess and my mascara would give you a fright.

I sat in my walker and sobbed uncontrollably,

the emotions of the day and the pain all around my body began to take their toll.

we had done it and i was so proud to be able to stand side by side with such incredible ladies.

i still had to drive home ,and i was hoping for relief from the panadol.

Once in my bed i couldnt sleep,

watching videos and seeing photos all over facebook.

I was moved by the compliments from the people who were there,

and i felt for the first time in a long time that i was worth a second look.

This happened two years ago, at the start of the pandemic,

and then once again a few weeks ago.

This time was easy going out on stage, and to be a mentor and photographer, was a privelege that i loved,

it wasnt easy, but i did take it slow.

Each day now i smile at my reflection, no matter how i feel,

My self care is increasing, and my body is changed.

I still battle mentally and physically every single day,

but with baby steps , self growth will be attained.

Being part of this event has given me so much in return,

i am part of a community now where no one is mean.

We all have strengths and weaknesses,

and it feels like we are all part of a team.

We lift each other up, and we all have stories to tell,

and it really does bring home the fact,

that there is always someone worse off than yourself.

So on the bad days when i am the depths of despair,

and the world is not how i envisioned,

I just think about these women,and those days on the stage

and remind myself how much people really care.

I have given birth to two incredible humans , who light up the earth,

and i have a husband who loves me, and gives me the world.

My family and friends are the reason i am alive,

and jesus loves me, he gives me his word.

I know that i am loved,

my worth and value in myself is slowly on the up,

but compared to some others in the world,

the blessings that i have ,overflow my cup.