Thinking About Thoughts

This fear,

This emotion,

This feeling...

These things are always with me

I feel like I’m walking alone with them on my mind

There’s so much going on,

yet it feels as if nobody will ever understand what’s wrong.

I want to feel the warmth of someone's hug,

I want to feel loved and looked after -

But I want to be alone.

It’s selfish, I know...

My mind, it’s against me

I’m fighting it day and night

I want to stop thinking for just a moment.

The thing is - the more I think, the more I hurt, and the more I try not to it hurts more.

You ask me “what’s wrong?” But I tell you that “I’m fine.”

Stop believing me, I know you probably don’t anyway, but please be patient with me

I’m getting there, I promise.

You’ll know when I know the time’s right because I will hand you a plate of pure emotion

Everything that’s going on, I’m trying to leave behind me

It all seems to know how to catch up with me, and then I’m back to square one

I’m getting there, I promise.

I want to be ok, but I’m angry at myself, why? I don’t know.

This mind of mine, it’s setting land mines

As soon as I manage to block things out, it blows up

I want to give up; I want to

Although, there’s a part of me that wants to survive

I’m exercising this part, though it’s going to take some time.