The weight 1 carry…..

Can’t let no one find out—

A little girl with a burden on her chest,

Thumping so hard it could burst.

But it didn’t.

Maybe I should thank God it didn’t.

_____

Yet, it tugged and pulled,

Loneliness, my worst punishment,

And being myself, my crime.

Dragging this baggage with hands too small,

Too fragile to bear the weight.

Breaking down, but no one to tell.

This heavy secret I’ll carry to my grave.

_____

I dragged and dragged,

Building strength from the burden,

Growing more resilient,

Or so I thought.

But the muscles—

They were only for show.

Because when I set this weight down to rest awhile,

The tears I’ve hidden become visible,

Flowing like rivers I didn’t even know I had.

______

Oblivious, as I walked and ran this road,

Through the heat and shadow,

Never seeing what was chasing me.

Still, I get up, carrying this load,

—

Knowing somewhere within that I could escape

If only I could let it down.

____

But I carry and carry,

Afraid to drop it all on you,

Fearing you’d see my pool of tears,

My shame laid bare.

And in that moment, I would disappear,

Lost in my vulnerability,

No longer hidden by strength.

_____

So I struggle, my heart wide open,

Fearing the day I might return

To where it all began—

Back to when I was broken,

By the people I trusted most.

And most of all, by my own vision and mind,

For what they made me see—

What they forced me to believe

About myself,

And the weight I had to carry alone.

_____

This weight i carry on my own,

To mask that i still feel it within

To pretend like its all gone from me.

—

Laid bare at night

Slowly realizing its still there.

How i wish i could find a staple one

to open up about how i truly feel.