The Walrus

What would you do with a walrus on your couch?

With that pipe in his mouth, he sure looked like a grouch

But would you believe it if I told you the truth?

He's living on your couch cuz he's nothing but a mooch

You came home one day to find him sitting there

He had a hat on his head and he gave you a glare

He wore a brown coat with a bright purple vest

The flower pinned to his chest added some much-needed zest

"Hullo?" you asked, a question curved your voice.

"Have a seat," he said. You didn't have much of a choice.

You sat next to him and the couch gave a groan

With all of that weight, I'm surprised it didn't moan

"The name's Walter," he said. "How do you do?"

"Just fine, thanks," you squeaked. (You didn't want to be rude.)

He pulled on his pipe, taking such a long toke

Several minutes passed by and yet nobody spoke

"Soooo...," you began, unsure of what to say

He said, "I live here now. I'm sure that'll make your day."

Your mind was flooded with a million questions plus one

Living with a walrus didn't sound like much fun

You had to say something, it was driving you mad

But with big tusks like his, you couldn't say anything bad

So you opened your mouth and you gave it a shot

But all of a sudden you weren't feeling too hot

You sprung off the couch and you dashed toward the loo

When you opened the door, you found something new

There was your tub filled with hundreds of fish

They splashed and they sploshed and also they swished

You thought you'd be sick before, but this smell made it worse

With the way that you felt, someone best call a hearse

You thought you might die from the shock of it all

From down on the floor you picked up your jaw

"This can't be my life!" you cried. "I must be asleep."

From outside your house, you heard a loud beep

"Oh, what now?" you said, pulling on your hair

The way your day was going just wasn't fair

"Careful with my things!" you heard. "Those are antiques!"

A clatter and a bang, then you heard the walrus shriek

Abandoning the bathroom, you headed back to him

The front door had been opened and boxes were carried in

"You can't do this to me! It's just too much stuff!"

The walrus looked you down and he only said, "Tough."

"This is my home! Who let you in?"

"You did, my lad." And he thanked you with a grin

Fast forward one hour, you had all but given up

Your house was now full with all of his stuff

"Do you NEED so many books?" you asked him with a growl

"Now you shut your face," he steamed, "you uneducated fowl!"

"I guess this is it," you said to yourself

As he placed his last book on the top of your shelf

"Would you like a cup of tea?" you decided to ask

"No, that's quite alright," he said. "I've got wine in my flask."

So he was a drunk and a bum and living with you now

It was all you could do not to throw in the towel

"I think I'll lie down," you said with a yawn

With any luck, he'd be gone before dawn