“The Truth About You”

May these lines speak the truth

From what took place back in my youth.

It was a bright fall, light breezy day

When I passed you by and you looked my way

Alone, through the campus walking fast

A struggling victim of her own past

Weak and scared, I was so unsure

You played as if you were so demure

It was after sports early that eve

When you decided to deceive

“Hey! What’s up? How you doin?”

Really that meant it’d be me you’d be screwin!

You set me up, smiling so sweet.

“Wanna go for a ride? C’mon it’ll be neat!”

Hurting and distraught because of my past.

Maybe someone is being nice at last.

Not wanting home, for fear of another fight

I knew I had to return there by night

But the idea of someone liking me

Over-road responsibility

“Sure!” I said, “I’ll take that drive”

It was a chance to feel I was somewhat alive.

You walked me out to your car,

“Don’t worry we won’t go very far”

In the front seat I sat down with a smile

You said we’d be back in a very short while.

As we drove from school on that day

Leaves fell in colorful disarray

Gold and green slowly fluttering past

My memories flying away at last

Something new to do instead

Thirty minutes later wanting to be dead

“So where are we going? I ask you right out

Your smile scheming, suddenly I doubt.

“Oh, just a little place I know,

You’re not changing your mind to go?”

Clenching my teeth, I said through a smile

“I’m good, I can hang out with you for awhile”

In school I was just a year behind,

Ignorance, believing you to be kind

We drove on down the road, music in play

Radiant leaves drop, warning ahead was decay

Blinker on, you turn to the right

Concrete road now gone from our sight

Towards the prison back on the mount

Saddlebacks, the only witness to count

I already wasn’t sure where we’d gone

Down back roads, seemingly long

After awhile you pulled to the side

And said you had something to confide

“Let’s go to the back and have some fun,

After all, there’s no where to run!”

You took me some thirty miles away,

Threatening to drop me, if I didn’t obey.

Quietly with a tear I got out.

Around to the back, filled with fear and doubt.

You jumped in the back, all ready to go

Unzipped your khakis, forced me your ho

“Do it now or you’ll be left behind,

And from here civilization is hard to find”

Grabbing on to the back of my head

You pushed down, God! I want to be dead!

“I don’t want to” is all I could say

Your maliciousness, “Do it anyway”

“No one will know it’s between you and me,

And when your done I’ll set you free”

Gagging, and swelling in my mouth

Heat rising up from a well finding drouth

Leaves continued to fall around

Refusing to witness the evil profound

You hurt me, used me, stomped on my soul

That child no longer had a chance to be whole

We rode in silence back to town

No concern for me now wearing a frown

Taking me back, dropped at the school

You stated the afternoon had been “cool”.

Grabbing my school bag, to my car I went

Crying and screaming, emotionally spent

I went home and straight up to my bed

Trying to escape the horror in my head.

Got up a zombie to the shower

Then brushing my teeth for the next hour

Mom came in, “Are you ok?”

If I say nothing, it will all go away.

Darning my feelings, I sewed on a smile

Convincing myself it will only hurt for awhile

“Nothing mom”, just my fate

“Gotta go, so I’m not late”

Back to school I drive with malice

Forced to have drunk from Adam’s chalice

His line of sin surely handed to you

You reveling, in your own taboo.

Through the day, a blank stare on my face

Relating to angels, who had fallen from grace

Anger, fury, torment, rage.

You thrusted my spirit into a cage.

Walls built up further, all through the day

And then our class, molding the clay

I went to the back table hoping to hide.

No one around in whom to confide.

Dropping your pack, boisterously loud

You walked in acting so tall and proud

Laughing you looked and scanned the class

I was praying to God your eyes would just pass

But they locked on, with treacherous control

Knowing full well, what you stole

Twenty some years later, my body now worn

Trauma has taken its wicked scorn

I do not sleep, always in pain

Often feeling like I am going insane

Difficulty with marriage, ever trusting a man

Don’t ever think that I fully can

I really wish you would have killed me instead

So I’m not replaying this all day in my head

Limitations are now five years behind.

Too late the information that I’d find.

But I believe this is the worst that I can do,

To write and tell everyone about you.

For years your sourness set into me.

Now it’s time...I set me free.

Dedicated to the individual who “forced me” back in high school. You know who you are, and so do I. I pray for you and hope you are a better man now.

And to all the individuals who have been subjected to the same Predators. You are stronger than you think. Do NOT let them keep hold over you for the years I did. You have a choice, you have a voice. Use them immediately. You are worth it and are strong enough to speak out. When I felt no one believed in me, know, there are those of us out here believing in you.

Charleen Richey

March 4, 2021