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The Three Californias

A Humorous Poem

By Stephanie HoogstadPublished 4 months ago 1 min read
The Three Californias
Photo by Patrick Tomasso on Unsplash

I had to explain to this girl

that I don’t live by a beach.


“I live near the mountains;

we’re about as landlocked as we can be.”


She didn’t get it.

They never get it.


There’s three Californias: the Backwoods, the Bay, and LA.


Still don’t get it?


Then you don’t live in California,

and you’ll never get it.


I’ll try to explain it one last time:


There’s the Backwoods;

it’s mountains and forests and farms and cows

with just a bit of beach,

if you have the time to drive to the coast.

It’s most often called NorCal.


Then there’s the Bay;

it can be colder and windier and more unpredictable

than the stereotypes make it seem.


And then there’s LA;

it’s like something straight out of a movie

’cause it is.

It’s Hollywood.

It’s most often called SoCal.


I don’t live in LA!


I don’t live in the Bay!


I don’t live near a beach!


I live in the Backwoods, for God’s sake!


Sweet and simple:


NorCal ain’t the Bay or SoCal,

the Bay isn’t NorCal or SoCal,

and SoCal is no way in hell NorCal or the Bay.

* * *

Poet's Note: This piece was originally published on the blog "Medusa's Kitchen". You can check it out at this link:

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About the Creator

Stephanie Hoogstad

With a BA in English and MSc in Creative Writing, writing is my life. I have edited and ghost written for years with some published stories and poems of my own.

Learn more about me: thewritersscrapbin.com

Support my writing: Patreon

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Comments (3)

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  • Dharrsheena Raja Segarran4 months ago

    Hahahahahahah this was hilarious! No worries, I got it!

  • Naveed 4 months ago


  • Hannah Moore4 months ago

    But you know what....I think I get it?

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