The Three Californias

I had to explain to this girl

that I don’t live by a beach.

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“I live near the mountains;

we’re about as landlocked as we can be.”

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She didn’t get it.

They never get it.

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There’s three Californias: the Backwoods, the Bay, and LA.

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Still don’t get it?

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Then you don’t live in California,

and you’ll never get it.

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I’ll try to explain it one last time:

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There’s the Backwoods;

it’s mountains and forests and farms and cows

with just a bit of beach,

if you have the time to drive to the coast.

It’s most often called NorCal.

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Then there’s the Bay;

it can be colder and windier and more unpredictable

than the stereotypes make it seem.

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And then there’s LA;

it’s like something straight out of a movie

’cause it is.

It’s Hollywood.

It’s most often called SoCal.

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I don’t live in LA!

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I don’t live in the Bay!

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I don’t live near a beach!

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I live in the Backwoods, for God’s sake!

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Sweet and simple:

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NorCal ain’t the Bay or SoCal,

the Bay isn’t NorCal or SoCal,

and SoCal is no way in hell NorCal or the Bay.

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Poet's Note: This piece was originally published on the blog "Medusa's Kitchen". You can check it out at this link: