The Sacrifice For Peace

My thoughts always had a hold on me. Protecting me from harsh times all the time. Even good times. Keeping me pushed down deep inside and just letting timid me take over. I guess I had been so tired of being hurt that I had to play it safe all the time. Keeping my guard up even when it wasn’t convenient. Even when they showed me that it was okay, I couldn’t bare to feel my heart break in a million pieces again.

Control is never liberating, but instead keeps us trapped and content. Chaos was always bound to still your peace. Rushing waters always come through to break through. All the controlling for nothing, when things always happen the way they want and need too. Why control it anyway? Maybe this time you can do it this way or prevent the thing from last time. You know your wrong though. Things happen the way they want and need too, so why so much control. Let go and let it flow. Let the rushing waters through, fore it is bound to get steady and move slowly.

Relationships getting harder but my heart staying because it was comfortable, and hadn’t been alone for so long that the thought of it was scary. Pain was a feeling that I never looked forward to, after being in peace for so long. Being in peace for so long will have you guarding every angle of your space, wanting to control everything. But after that, it really isn’t peace anymore.

I think we fear peace. Saying we want peace but don’t want to sacrifice some of the things we don’t need for our peace. You want peace but want him too. You want peace but want your homegirls too. You want peace but want the weed too. We want peace and everything else but those things don’t bring us peace. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. But we are scared to give up those things because of the fear of the unknown.

We have made it in our head that we aren’t ourselves without those things and that those things are a necessity to our life. In reality though, we are all something without anything. We forget that when we were brought here, we had nothing but everyone was still amazed by who we were and what they saw.