The One I Am

i fear that i may never find ‘the one’.

the one who will love me unconditionally.

dying our grey hairs to hide them.

dream of the times before wrinkles and dentures.

i worry that i’ll never experience that

because what i have left a bad taste.

i bit into the rotten core of an apple,

left with the remnants of disgust.

every apple, now, reminds me of before.

scared to sink into any.

afraid of the bitter taste i may get.

some are redder,

shinier than others.

fooled into believing that a sweet bite exists.

my brain is rewired,

from that single bad taste.

i’m not familiar with the idea of undeserving men.

i’m friends with its cousin who thinks it’s her fault.

She stood up for herself;

that’s why he’s a ghost.

She’s boring;

that’s why he’s a ghost

She asked him too many questions.

he’s a ghost because of her.

my mind is at constant war.

is it me or is it him?

i know what i should do.

but the airy voice in the back pipes up.

clearing her throat, she wanders if i’m overreacting.

but it’s all in pursuit of “ the one “.

“ the one” who will fill my photo album with memories

“The one “ who will bring a warm filling on the coldest days.

but maybe i’m looking in the wrong places.

as unconditionally, i love myself.