The Nowhere Train

Looking through the window of the train

Objects passing by like a blur

I wondered how I had made it here

With no memory of boarding

I fancied I was going home, it had been far too long

Though there was nothing to visit at home

My family had passed some time ago

Maybe I should have brought flowers, stupid me

Passengers boarded stop after stop

But I never saw anyone actually leave

It was strange, though I tried not to give it much thought

Until the conductor passed by

Checking everyone’s tickets

In that moment I began to panic

As I checked my pockets to no avail

My heart began to race faster

As he approached my seat

I reached into my pockets one last time

And voila a ticket had appeared

Though no destination was written upon it

Only my departure time

This train was beginning to feel weirder and weirder

He clicked my ticket and paused

As if waiting to answer a question

I must have looked like a scared little rabbit to him

And I peered up with confused eyes to ask

“Where is this train going exactly”

To which he responded

“That depends where you are trying to go”

But I had no idea where I wanted to go

Or why I was there in the first place

The last thing I remember was falling asleep

A pill bottle empty in my hand

And a hand gun on my nightstand

What exactly was I doing last night

By and by people began to exit the train one stop after another

Yet I remained

Hours had passed and I was no closer to answering his question

Eventually we had reached the last stop

And he approached me once more

Asking if I would be leaving here or staying

I asked him where we were

To which he replied “the end”

This is where souls are ferried to the other side

And in that moment, I think I knew what I did the night before

I mustered up enough courage to ask

“Am I dead? Only to hear “not yet”

The conductor stared at me for a moment

And then sat down next to me

To say this, “It's your choice whether or not you exit this train

But if choose to do so you will pass on to the next life”.

Even here I still had a choice at the end

Funny because it never felt that way in life

“What if I don’t want to leave” I asked

“Then open your eyes and wake up”, he said

Those words echoed in my mind wake up, wake up

It felt like someone was holding my hand

And asking God for me to please wake up

I couldn’t recognize the voice; it was faint but there

Couldn’t be someone I knew I chuckled

No one cared for me even at the end of my life

Yet I couldn’t shake the feeling I was wrong

Eventually the conductor stood up and began heading out

Before he could leave, I asked him one last question

“Why am I still here and not dead?”

He turned around and said with a little chuckle of his own

“Maybe, just maybe you didn’t want to die

Otherwise, you would have left at one of these stops along the way

Yet here you sit, unable to make the choice to leave”.

There's a part of you still holding on

Even if you disagree with the choice

Hes giving you a chance to choose again

A second chance if you will

And I hope you listen to your heart a little more closely this time around

Then the conductor was gone

Fading to mist

I shut my eyes real hard and tried to wake up

Hoping I actually would

Every time I closed my eyes, I heard that same voice

And felt the warmth of their hand

I gave it one last try and woke up gasping for air

Feeling like I was breathing again for the first time in my life

My eyes slowly opened to see a woman sitting next to me

Holding my hand while she slept

I barely recognized her; it was my next-door neighbor

Someone I had seen every day and spoken to in passing occasionally

In that moment I was glad to be alive

I left her sleep as I smiled inside

Knowing I had made the better choice this time.