The Meltdown

I've always had high pressure jobs.

Racing to meet deadlines.

Juggling multiple projects.

A never ending string of responsibilities that are always more than any one day can hold

And usually with short deadlines and competing priorities.

Why have I always done that?

Money I suppose and a deep need to be useful and valued.

I have always been a people pleaser

Someone who thrives on achievements and accolades.

When people become unhappy with me - or that I perceive that they are

And the accolades halt, then I will undoubtedly crash.

I totally loose my sense of self

I feel adrift without purpose

But why?

Why do I need such demanding and stressful situations to feel worthy?

Why do I need an outward validation?

That's when the meltdown hits me and then comes

That moment where life feels like swimming in molasses.