The Many Lives of Me

Life hasn’t turned out the way I had envisioned

You know like the fantasy stories we heard as children

I wanted to be a pirate sailing across the world on some grand adventure

But I was seasick

*

Yet I journeyed half-way across the world

Still holding on to that dream

Imagine my disappointment when life crushed it

I’ve always felt like the poor bug some bully smashes

Cruelty was the only thing ever shown to me in this life

*

Next, I wanted to be a knight off in some foreign land

I fought until my sword was stained by blood

My armor beaten and battered; my brothers lost

And I lost sight of what I was fighting for

The disillusionment sunk in somewhere along the way

*

I laid my sword down and walked off into the desert to die

Yet honor and duty kept me alive for unknown reasons

I was bound to them by fate, unable to escape

Once more I woke up in a foreign land, and given a blade

It was dull and in dire need of sharpening quite like my soul

I fought for honor until my dying breath

But I was never able to find peace

*

In another life I became a poet whose very words touched the souls of those around him

His words were sharper than any blade and cut through men and women alike

But in this life, he chose to use that power to heal others

Breathing hope into his poems, life back into his stories

He felt neither honor nor did he ever know duty

He only knew love, and love bound him all the same to her call

Yet in this life he too paid a price of living

For all his words and wisdom, he could never save himself

From the bottomless pit of despair, he found himself trapped in

His words echoing up the mighty chasm but never reaching anyone again

All the love in the world couldn’t give him the peace he sought either

*

I’ve come to realize I have lived many lives even if I hated them

I cursed God for giving me so little time and so many choices

But acted as if I was only given one

I was once a young teenager eager to set sail until depression cut my legs from under me

I was once a soldier burdened by guilt and shame bound by honor and duty

And I have lived the life of a poet who could never save his own life

He could never see the power of his own words, only feel the crushing weight of his pain

*

Still, I continue to live many others lives

An archaeologist, an adventurer, a traveler, a seeker of truth and knowledge

A hermit, a king, a fool, and most importantly a friend, a son, a loved one

All these paths continue and may one day intersect

But it was never about how many choices I had

It was about what I did with these lives, these paths that truly mattered

Life was cruel because all I could see was the cruelty in front of me

I could never save myself because deep down I didn’t want to be saved

I didn’t want to live anymore lives because it was still me living them

*

But the only life that ever mattered is the one I walk now

I could have been everything and nothing, yet I chose differently

I only have this one life to do what I can with

I only have this life to give all the love I can before I say my last goodbye