THE MAGIC KETTLE FROM THE CAR BOOT

THE MAGIC KETTLE FROM THE CAR BOOT

I bought a kettle at a car boot,
For fifty pence one day.
The seller said, take care of it,
Then sent me on my way.

I put it on my passenger seat,
And drove off down the lane.
When suddenly a voice called out,
Oh, here we go again.

I nearly drove into a hedge,
And stopped beside a tree.
The kettle hissed it spoke aloud,
I’ve news for you, dearie.

I know the past and future too,
And secrets people hide.
That cheating Jack is seeing girls,
With someone on the side.

You’ll catch him with a woman,
Who’s wearing something blue.
Then in three months he’ll telephone,
To say that you are through.

I laughed and called it nonsense,
Then drove back home to Jack.
But when I reached the bedroom,
I wished that I’d turned back.

A woman dressed in blue came out,
And said that Jack was ill.
But there he sat without his pants,
And looking lively still.

I packed his bags and threw him out,
And told him not to call.
The kettle whistled happily,
I’d warned you after all.

Three months went by, the phone rang,
And Jack said, we are through.
I laughed and said, you silly fool,
I finished it months before you.

That night I asked my kettle,
For numbers I could try.
Six lucky ones for Saturday,
To make my fortune fly.

The kettle hissed, you cheeky thing,
You’d buy a house or two.
Then throw me in a cupboard,
And find a kettle new.

I stroked its lid and smiled at it,
I’d never leave you, honey.
It winked and said, I know all six,
But you’re not getting my money.