The Irony In Losing You

When you break up with someone, tears are normal.

On my way to see my best friend after we ended things, I fought so hard not to shed a single tear but the moment your car raced past mine on the way to see your parents, I lost it.

I wiped away all the tears as I parked my car and walked through the double doors to where my best friend was spending her Friday night, people on stage preparing for the monthly show. I found her in our usual spot and tried to talk with confidence and ease but I burst into tears and blubbered out “right person … wrong time”. She held me for as long as I needed and soothed me until the waterworks subsided and urged me to go home.

I knew she was right.

I could feel in the pit of my stomach that I wanted to be alone. I waved everyone off, got back in my car, and tried so hard to not shed another tear until my parents went to sleep. I told them what had happened as nonchalantly as possible and sat on the couch, staring blankly at the television set.

Everything began to resurface no matter how hard I tried to push it down.

As I lay in bed, I began to repeat everything you said to me. I realized that I still hadn’t developed a set emotion as to how I felt about everything.

And then it hit me.

When you break up with someone, you tend to lose all hope in love. You tell yourself that no one else could ever be what that person was to you. Love is lost in some sort of black hole in space.

But when we broke up, I was hopeful.

When we broke up, I was hopeful that love was going to find me again. Whether it be with you or another, I knew that I was going to find someone and be happy. I don’t want to date or even entertain another but I know it will find me … Just like how you came into my life when I least expected it.

You taught me so much.

You taught me how to love again, what it meant to be happy and I thank you so much for that. There is no need in being bitter about what happened between us because you gave me the best three months of my life and I will cherish our time spent together for a lifetime. Love is such a wonderful thing and thank you for teaching me how to love.

I love you.

I know I always will.