The In-Between

The water is quiet beneath the surface, like repressed emotions or an unspoken silence. The light from above shines through the water, fading away as my eyes look downward into the dark abyss. The muffled sounds of people speaking are heard from above as a consistent wave bounces off the hull of a boat sitting just above.

How is it that I am breathing and still alive beneath the surface of the water? I have no feelings; I just am. I can’t move. I can’t rise above or dive deeper. I’m stuck in the in-between, not able to shift one way or the other. I want to push myself upward, forcing my face up and out of the water to take a breath, like a baby for the first time, breathing new life into me. I’m so close, yet so far away. I can’t reach the bottom, and I have nothing to push off from, and no one above sees me down below. My screams cannot be heard from here.

God, do you see me? Can you hear me? I scream out to you, but the silence is deafening. I watch the bubbles from my screams reach the surface. Do they make a sound when they reach the top? I know I’m not drowning, so there must be hope for me to rise up to meet you again. I’m not giving up on us, and I know you won’t give up on me. I didn’t come this far to just let go. Do the dolphins hear my cry, and will they come for me from across the shore? I need to get out of here. I want to move my arms out of the water to reach for you, but they are stuck. Will you forgive me? I want to feel the sunshine in my heart again. I will keep praying until I get it right, and when I do, I know it will be you who says you finally got it right. I will keep looking up so I don’t miss your wink.

Sending you all my love.