The Girl in the Corner

My dearest love, listen

And try to understand.

I moved away from there

To start a new life here

With you.

A fresh start, a clean slate

A chance to begin again.

~~~~~

And I purposely disconnected

From my old life.

Broke ties, drew boundaries. Stepped away.

It was the only way I could find peace.

Yet somehow I’m still tethered -

Still bound by memories, by expectations,

By family.

~~~~

And of course I love them…but it is indelibly mixed

With anger and sorrow.

A bitter drink for sure.

And the worst part– I’ll admit it – the disappointment.

Their disappointment that I wasn’t what they expected.

My disappointment that anything was expected at all.

And the shame and hurt when I realized

That I wasn’t enough

Just as myself.

~~~~~

I’ve learned to live with it.

~~~~~

But no, I don’t want to go back.

I REALLY don’t want to go back.

~~~~~

You are my sanctuary.

You surround me with gentleness and peace and love.

You shelter me. You protect me.

With you I don’t have to think about it, remember it,

Or feel the ache

Of not being enough.

Or maybe -

I was too much.