The Cosmic Corsair

it was pretty darn obvious where to take

this alien who landed here by mistake,

only one place made sense to me

so we journeyed together across the red sea,

.

but the sailing was tough on the poor wee scruff

he was violently sick as the waves grew rough,

the sky turned black and lightning cracked,

I told him “pal, there’s nae turnin’ back”

.

but he managed somehow to find his sea legs

and he stopped throwing up what looked like raw eggs

just in time for the sail to snap

and fall on his head with an almighty whack,

.

he looked a bit shocked but he held his own

until he began shouting “ET phone home!”

I tried my best to calm him down

but then I realised we might actually drown

.

the water was up to my ankles in height

and my alien pal looked an awful fright

and the thing about Scots when we’re in a tight pickle

is that we usually begin to uncontrollably giggle

.

the laughter flowed as loud as the storm

and by now ET really wasn’t in good form

he looked at me angry as can be

rueing my persuasion to travel by sea

.

the waves smashed against his poor wee face

and it seemed like this trip was a massive mistake

as he clung to me frozen in fear

he screamed again “Get me out of here!”

.

the water by now was up to my knee

and I realised it really was time to flee

“Alien, pal, can ye swim?”

he looked straight at me and his expression was dim

.

Feck, I really didn’t know what to do

I could swim for me but not for two

this storm was as wild as it gets

and clearly he was filled with regrets

.

but suddenly everything grew calm

the wind stopped and he let go of my arm

still laughing I joked “well wasn’t that fun?”

he just stared violently in return

.

my Scottish humour was seen as a vice

as he tapped some button on his mobile device

within a flash his shuttle appeared

and he left without even saying cheers

.

pretty darn rude if you’re asking me

to not say thanks for his trip to Sea

he got back in his craft and flew away

I guess we’ll have to show him the pyramids another day