The Complexities of Life

The complexities of life

Never used to be so intense

I think of a movie, many movies

The instant attraction ‘tween two young beings

As humans we age, we change

Into something more complex

It doesn’t make sense to me

Why must there be rules that make love change?

The politics of being interested in another

That is a concept I fear, I fail

I will never understand how to play

I try, but I end up in the cold, outside alone

You see, I try to be me

I think over and over

What parts are me and truly me

And I have come to the following revelations

I answer your call only after one ring

Not because I’m waiting by the phone for you to call

Or because I’m desperate and lonely

It’s because I want to hear your voice again

I have no delay in messaging you back

And again, it’s not because I sit waiting

I have so much to say and so little time it seems

My excitement makes me write and write

I send cheesy pictures or sayings

I genuinely want to brighten your day

I want you to laugh and smile

For no selfish gain, just because

Then I told you to be safe…

And then I saw it.

I have already positioned myself outside

Just because I’m a person who cares

I lock myself out of your vision

You see me only as a friend

As I constantly struggle to change it

As well as try to brighten your days

I don’t understand the politics

Constantly asking myself when to reply

How or what to reply, and so on

I fear I’m too old for this game

I don’t want you to be interested in a fake

In a fake version of me

I try and let myself vulnerable

All I can do is wait

I will continue to answer your calls

On the first ring, and reply promptly

And laugh and smile with you

While you unknowingly brighten my days