THE ALIENS LANDED IN ST HELENS Uk Oct 13 2026

THE ALIENS LANDED IN ST HELENS

A Rather Strange Tuesday Morning

The aliens came to St Helens,
At half past seven in the morning,
They announced their arrival with a mighty bang,
Without so much as a warning.

The car alarms began to scream,
The house alarms joined in too,
Everybody said it was lightning,
But we suspected Doctor Who.

Could it have been an aircraft,
That caused a sonic boom?
Or an alien spaceship firing bullets,
At a witch upon her broom?

Nobody seemed to know a thing,
About what happened on that day,
But something wasn’t right, Jack,
We all knew that, come what may.

Neighbours stood in dressing gowns,
Their slippers soaking wet,
One shouted, “It’s the Russians!”
Another said, “Don’t fret!”

Old Doris peeped behind her blinds,
Her curlers standing proud,
She swore she’d seen a flying saucer,
Disappearing through a cloud.

A little green man knocked on a door,
And asked directions to the moon,
The woman said, “You’re miles away,
But I’ll put the kettle on soon.”

The witch came crashing down the street,
Her broomstick snapped in two,
She shouted, “Who’s been shooting at me?”
And blamed poor Doctor Who.

The aliens looked at St Helens,
The rain was coming down,
They said, “We’ve travelled light-years,
To land in this peculiar town!”

A message travelled through the stars,
And echoed all about,
“Don’t land your spaceship in St Helens,
They’ll only suss you out!”

They’ll invite you in to their house,
And offer you a brew,
Then ask you where you’ve travelled from,
And what you’ve come to do.

They’ll write down all your information,
Every word that leaves your mouth,
They’ll want to know your planet,
And whether it’s north or south.

So keep your secrets to yourself,
And bypass this strange town,
“You’d better go to Wigan!”
The captain said with a frown.

For Wiganers make lovely pies,
I was given one for tea,
And I think that’s where my journey ends,
I’m a Wiganer now, you see!

I’m not going home to outer space,
There’s nowhere else I’ll be,
I’ll settle down in Wigan,
With a meat pie on my knee.

For Wiganers are friendly,
And their pies are something else,
And when you talk to a Wiganer,
Your heart softens and melts.

But then the captain scratched his head,
And looked at all these towns,
“I think the British are all crazy!”
He announced with several frowns.

“Let’s get ourselves to Jupiter,
There’ll be less trouble there,
No one asking questions,
Or offering us a chair!”

Less bangs and less commotion,
Less people trying to suss us out,
No nosy neighbours at the windows,
Wondering what we’re all about.

But when they landed on Jupiter,
They got an awful shock,
There were Martians dancing backwards,
And one was eating a sock.

Another wore his underpants,
Upon his purple head,
One was riding round on a frog,
And another slept beneath a bed.

The captain looked around him,
And gave his crew a nudge,
“I think we’ve made a big mistake,
But I’m not one to judge!”

For nobody asked them questions,
Or where they’d travelled from,
They were all too busy dancing,
And banging on a drum.

“They’re all as loopy as a box of frogs!”
The captain shouted with a grin,
“I think we’d better leave this place,
Before they invite us in!”

So somewhere in the universe,
A spaceship travels free,
With a captain dreaming of Wigan,
And a lovely meat pie for his tea.

And back in good old St Helens,
The mystery remains that day,
Was it thunder, was it aliens?
Or Doctor Who passing away?

Nobody knows what caused that bang,
Or why the alarms went mad,
But if aliens really landed there,
What a funny morning they had!