That Foreign Feeling

For most of my life I have felt so much that it leaves me feeling numb.

There is just too much emotion that it needs to be shut down and turned off. All the sadness, loneliness, anxiousness, disappointment, and doubt, becomes overwhelming.

I have become so accustomed to this numbness, usually followed by a sadness that consumes me, to a point where I do not recognize anything else.

Yet, sometimes, I get this feeling, it is so foreign to me.

It can arise from the strangest most mundane of situations.

It can come from sitting on a patio early in the morning drinking a coffee, or playing a round of cards with family and friends, or a sunny afternoon listening to some music with that someone special.

It will start with the disappearance of the numbness, like being awakened from an eternal slumber.

Next, it feels as though everything that weighs me down has fallen off and I could float away if I am not careful.

Sometimes the butterflies show up in my stomach and before I know it I cannot stop smiling.

What is this foreign feeling, I do not understand it.

I think, maybe, I might be happy.

Could that be what this feeling is?

This foreign feeling that makes me believe everything is going to be okay, that life is worth living.

This feeling of being so content, I do not trust it.

Happiness.

How can this feeling exist, how can it come from the most mundane situations?

I do not care, I will just enjoy the moment while it lasts because I know it will not last long... this foreign fleeting feeling.