Telling Time

One, one-thousand, two, one-thousand, three, one-thousand, four

He sucks in a breath, and I release one

I watch him, mouth open, gums black, eyes closed

He’s been unconscious since I've been here

One, one thousand, two, one thousand, three, one thousand, four, one thousand, five

Longer this time. I lower my head, take his hand in mine

His skin is cold. It's been cold for a while.

I count to six this time, I can feel it coming. The hospice nurse excuses herself, to give us privacy

I count to ten. I’m telling him in my mind that it's okay to let go, he’ll go to heaven, he’ll see his mom again, he’ll be at peace. My eyes are closed, i’m still counting

Eleven, one thousand, twelve one thousand, thirteen one thousand, fourteen one thousand, fifteen one thousand, sixteen one thousand, seventeen one thousand, eighteen one thousand,

He gasps again...my heart sinks…I’m begging him not to leave me, please give me one more breath, please

I start counting again.