Stream of Consciousness
I Think of You When
You were not a mistake. You needed to happen. I think of you whenever I avoid doing the dishes I worry about what touches my mouth I keep pajamas under my sheets and outside clothes on top I think about sleeping next to someone else I want to get married I flirt with someone I’m not supposed to I want a partner - for all that we pretended we were for all I wanted you to be I avoid others by being in the bathroom for too long I want a bridal party I see brides being supported on their wedding day I think of being without you in this city, even as antagonists I think of being with someone for the rest of my life - for all we convinced ourselves it would be us I go to physical therapy I don’t have anyone to watch true crime with I do sleep next to someone I don’t want to be touched I want quiet time to myself on Saturday mornings Someone asks me the last time I visited my alma mater I am grateful for my peace I am grateful for my freedom I don’t want to waste time I am happy to go out and dance my own way I kiss who I want I am not afraid to show affection in public I wonder if I am regretful I do not regret I tell others “you can say congratulations“ I remember the secrets we know about each other that I will never speak again I post my writings that are about someone else - even if it’s not always about you As I wonder how long this poem will take to feel complete As I struggle through getting rid of the tightness in my throat. I see new facial hair I walk around where we used to live in bliss I look incredibly happy next to someone in a picture I think about how you don’t know anything about my life now - not the people who love me, where I work, where I live, how long my hair is I am free I am grateful Loved ones give me advice I like someone’s laugh I wonder if you remember to check in on my websites that you wanted me to warn you about I am hyper aware of waking up in a much smaller bed with no room for anyone else I think of what I thought love was I am grateful someone thinks I am worth the inconvenience of picking me up at the airport themselves My brain blocks out things Someone suggests Joshua Tree I think of putting a bumper sticker on my car and decide against it I pray I think about how much I used to travel - how much I used to sacrifice I am grateful for a better relationship with my parents I don’t hide things anymore I am no longer trapped by my empathy for you When someone else has a migraine and I am grateful mine stopped.
By Ariana GonBon6 days ago in Poets
